Nothing improves a joke more than telling it to your employees.
He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t very far from retirement.
A volunteer is as good as ten pressed men.
If it were not for meetings, we would never get anything done.
God created women to please the eye and trouble the mind.
God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
If women knew what we were thinking, they’d never stop slapping us.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Women have their faults. Men have only two: Everything they say and everything they do.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn’t want.
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, the way to a woman’s heart is through his wallet.
Clever liars give details, but the cleverest don’t.
If you’re not five minutes early, you’re ten minutes late.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an orange.
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
Time wastes us, our bodies and our wits,
We waste Time, so Time and we are quits.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Two days to forget.
He who never fell never climbed.
Success is more attitude then aptitude.