Jim's Favorite Famous Quote, Quip, Axiom, and Maxim Repository
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg.
BornFebruary 24, 1968
St. Paul, Minnesota
DiedMarch 30, 2005
Livingston, New Jersey
Stand-up comedian.

The repository contains five quotes from Mitch Hedberg.


If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals; you will run out.

Food and DrinkPets

I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I have bread.

Food and Drink

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.


This sign says “IMPROV”. I had a bad set on Friday night so yesterday they put an “E” on the end of it.

Doctors and HealthFood and Drink

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.