These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there are more hoods than neighbors.
The reason many people are lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.
Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.
America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.
A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.
Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.
A plastic surgeon’s office is the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose.
The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard.
Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget is the same size.
A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa.
Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime.
Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease.
The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.
Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.
Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.
Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.
Most people don’t mind a hard day’s work, just as long as they’re not in that day.
Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.
Parents treat their kids like teeth: they only try bonding once irreparable damage has been done.
If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.