Jim's Favorite Famous Quote, Quip, Axiom, and Maxim Repository
George Carlin
George Carlin
George Carlin.
BornMay 12, 1937
New York, New York
DiedJune 22, 2008
Santa Monica, California
Intellectual stand-up comedian famed for his profanity. He proudly notes that he is the only comedian to have one of his routines become the subject of a Supreme Court case (FCC v. Pacifica - 438 U.S. 726, decided July 3, 1978).

The repository contains 17 quotes from George Carlin.


If you canít beat them, arrange to have them beaten.


The following statement is true. The preceding statement is false.


Honesty may be the best policy, but itís important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.


Baseball is the only major sport that looks backwards in a mirror.

Doctors and Health

Where does the dentist go when he leaves the room?


Iím a visionary; Iím ahead of my time. Trouble is, Iím only about an hour and a half ahead.

Art and MusicReligion

The only good thing to come out of religion was the music.

Food and DrinkMoney

Whever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.


Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Success and FailureOptimism and Pessimism

No one ever says ďItís only a gameĒ when their team is winning.


ĒI amĒ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ďI doĒ is the longest sentence?


When someone asks you, ďA penny for your thoughts,Ē and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?


Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.


Jesus died for our sins. Dare we make his sacrifice meaningless by not committing them?


People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, itís really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesnít want you to know.


More people write poetry than read it.


As far as Iím concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief thatís worth believing.