|Born||July 3, 1947|
Armonk, New York
The repository contains nine quotes from Dave Barry.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.
If you’re an average layperson, your grasp of high finance consists of knowing your ATM code.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
I have not personally read this book, because, as a journalist, I am too busy writing about it.
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
Using a complex, sophisticated technique to get a man excited is like preparing a gourmet French meal for a Labrador retriever.
When I saw the number on the scale, I was forced to face a shocking, but unmistakable, fact: the scale was defective.