Jim's Favorite Famous Quote, Quip, Axiom, and Maxim Repository
Dave Barry
David Barry
Dave Barry.
BornJuly 3, 1947
Armonk, New York
Pulitzer-Prize-winning syndicated humor columnist and author of numerous humor books. Best known for his trademark phrase, "I am not making this up."

The repository contains nine quotes from Dave Barry.

Food and Drink

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Food and Drink

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

Money

If you’re an average layperson, your grasp of high finance consists of knowing your ATM code.

Men and WomenSports

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.

Pets

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

Media and NewsLiterature

I have not personally read this book, because, as a journalist, I am too busy writing about it.

Entertainment

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

Men and Women

Using a complex, sophisticated technique to get a man excited is like preparing a gourmet French meal for a Labrador retriever.

Doctors and Health

When I saw the number on the scale, I was forced to face a shocking, but unmistakable, fact: the scale was defective.